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Love and Relationship
Advice
Susie and Otto Collins
This is a copy of the August 7, 2000 edition of
our weekly newsletter, Susie and Otto Collins Love and Healing Center's
Relationship and Spiritual Growth Newsletter.
We hope you enjoy it!
Please forward this newsletter to your
friends, family and associates.
To join this newsletter list, get free
reports and more information to help you create extraordinary
relationships, visit us at http://www.collinspartners.com
This Weeks Article:
Listening from your heart...
By Susie and Otto Collins
One of the most difficult things to do in relationship is to listen--truly
listen from your heart without blame, judgement or "you ought toos
and you shoulds." It's also difficult to take the time to listen
without allowing distractions to pull you away from what the other person
is saying. It doesn't even matter if the person you are listening to is
baring their soul or not, It's incredibly important to stay present,
interested and focused on that person.
How many times have you been talking to someone and they reach around to
tuck in a loose tag that's hanging off your shirt or pick a loose thread
off your sweater right in the middle of your conversation?
This might seem like a trivial thing but what it really says is that in
that moment they weren't listening to what you were saying. They were
thinking about that loose tag or thread and how they could fix it.
All of us want to feel loved, respected and honored. And one way we have
found to have this is to love, respect and honor someone else. We found
that listening without interrupting the other shows respect and also
builds trust. What a simple concept, but how hard it is to do.
Something that is even more difficult to do is to listen to someone when
It's uncomfortable to do so. When there are conflicts or resentments in a
relationship that haven't been dealt with yet, there is an emotional
charge that is present and that makes it difficult to stay focused on the
present moment.
In that time you're not really focused on the other person andwhat he or
she is saying. You are focused on your emotions or your attempts to avoid
pain.
Another difficult situation is when you have preconceived prejudices and
judgements of the person. Our judgements build walls even in the
healthiest of relationships. When you are trying to listen to someone with
whom there have been challenges, it requires you to listen with
unconditional love in that moment. That doesn't mean you have to agree
with everything they say. But, it does mean forgetting yourself and
your issues while they are talking. We are so quick to rush in and prove
we are right, that all we do is create more distance.
So, how do you really listen--without judgement or coming from your own
agenda?
It's like the symphony director said when he was asked, "how do you
get to Carnegie Hall?" He said, "practice."
Start with focusing your attention on the check-out person at the grocery
store or the waiter or waitress at your favorite restaurant. Engage them
in a short conversation and REALLY listen to what they have to say. When
you get brave you can try a family member with whom you have some unhealed
issues.
Practice by listening without needing to respond from your frame of
reference. Hear what they have to say from their point of view. It's
amazing what can be healed when you do this. As Stephen Covey points out
in his book, The seven habits of Highly effective people, it's important
to seek first to understand, then be understood. When you do this the
walls and defenses crumble and healing can take place.
Sometimes the greatest gift you can give someone is to just listen with
your heart. So this week practice listening and coming from love in your
relationships. When you do, we know you'll see a difference.
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Relationship Quote of the Week
The quieter you become, the more you can hear.
Baba Ram Das
This quote is from our book filled with "101 Relationship Quotes
Worth a Million
Dollars!" To read more great quotes like this one, go to http://www.collinspartners.com/books.htm
*******************************************
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To learn 7 keys to manifesting abundance in any area of your life go to
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Have a great week everyone.
Yours in love and light,
Susie and Otto Collins
http://www.collinspartners.com
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