Love and Relationship Advice This is an article that appeared in the
March 26, 2000 edition of Susie and Otto Collins Love and Healing Center's
Relationship and Spiritual Growth Newsletter Healing the Past. . .In the Present Has this ever happened to you? Somebody says something to you that immediately triggers negativity
within you. You don't have a clue why you are so upset and you wonder just where that feeling came
from. Tony Robbins would call this a "negative anchor"-- something that is said or something that is experienced
that you associate with a previous negative event. Peter Levine refers to this as trauma being held in the body.
Whatever you want to call it, the event and feelings surrounding the event, rear their ugly heads again and
again until you are able to heal the original situation. This weekend, we were with Susie's extended family of 14 people, ages 1 year to 79 years. The living room
was crowded as we watched the NCAA basketball game. There wasn't a chair for Otto as he stood in the doorway
watching the game. Several family members offered to make room for him but he declined. As they
continued to insist that he sit down, he became agitated. It took him a few hours but he realized that his agitation came from previous situations with his ex-wife when
she would say to him, "Please sit down! You're driving me crazy!" His agitation was from the trauma of the past. The agitation from the present situation fired off a negative anchor within him that instantly took him back
to a time in a previous relationship that needed to be healed. At that moment he pulled out the baggage from his previous
unhealed relationship but had the awareness to realize that his present negativity had nothing to do with the people in
the room and the present moment. He was able to let those old feelings go and live in the present moment,
enjoying the game and the people in the room. This situation is what Stephen Covey talks about whenhe says, "Old resentments never die. They just get
buried alive and come up later in uglier ways." The resentments we hold which are not resolved usually
manifest themselves again in other relationships which have nothing to do with the original trauma. We suggest that the first step in healing these past resentments is to stop yourself when you first feel it
and examine where the negativity is coming from. The first step to creating any change is awareness. Go
back in your mind to your previous relationships--where did this feeling come from, who was there and what
was the situation? It's very important to differentiate what happened in the past from what's happening now. Ultimately, you will want to work on forgiving that person and honoring how that experience created who you are
today. Only after you are able to release the past, can you experience the emotional freedom that we all desire. ********************************** Click here for more relationship
advice
Susie and Otto Collins
Susie and Otto Collins