Build More Relationship Trust
"Building Trust By Opening Your Heart"
By Susie and Otto
Collins
Recently we saw a wonderful movie called
"The Bucket List." Despite what critics said about it, we found the
film enjoyable and filled with amazing lessons.
If you haven’t heard about “The Bucket List,” it
stars actors Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson who portray two men who
have both found out they will die soon. Faced with dismal prognoses,
they decide to accomplish all of the things they’ve always wanted to do
(and even more) before they die.
Among the many wise moments in this moving story,
this one stands out to us: Morgan Freeman’s character declares that “I
want to die with my eyes closed and my heart open."
Keeping your heart open is something we regularly
suggest to coaching clients and write about often. As you probably
know, it isn’t always easy to do. This is why this movie line and story
resonates for us.
Here are our suggestions for keeping your heart
open even when it’s difficult…
1. Go inside yourself and explore what “open
heart” means to you. When you close your heart, what does it feel like?
What happens? If someone says something that triggers you, would you
like to not get defensive about it? Would you like to find another
reaction rather than striking back at the person who said the triggering
words? Do you want to find another way rather than making assumptions
and jumping to conclusions? If so, take a few moments and write down
what you want your relationship to look like.
2. Think about opening your heart and a specific
situation that is triggering for you. Now, in your mind, consciously
shift the importance to your connection with that person and away from
you being “right.” This does not mean you will roll over and just “take
it” when someone is hurtful to you. What it does mean is that the person
is someone you want to stay connected with and you remind yourself that
you love this person.
3. When a situation arises where you or the person
you are with is triggered, both of you may feel your hearts closing down
quickly. At this point, try to remember to breathe— take 2 or 3 deep
breaths. Then move your attention from all that’s running around in
your head down to your heart area. As you do this, you’ll probably
experience some softening or even ease about what is going on.
4. Next, start listening with the intention to
understand the other person’s point of view. There will be time for you
to talk more later if you feel the need. But first, listen deeply and
with your full attention so that you can truly understand. Ask
questions if you are confused about what you are hearing. You may not
end up agreeing with the person’s point of view, but understanding it
will help keep your heart open. When you let go of assumptions and
truly listen for understanding, you will regain connection with this
person.
Everyone opens their hearts in different ways.
The feeling that goes along with an open heart, however, is easy to
recognize. We encourage you to explore and practice opening your heart
every day.
For more info on building trust in a relationship, visit
http://www.relationshiptrust.com
Susie and Otto Collins
P.O. Box 14544 Columbus, Ohio 43214 614-459-8121
Email
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